wrigley field is MILF paradise
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just high enough for therapy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
