Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
