I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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