covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im having a threesome with these popsicles
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
