how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
