I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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