but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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