Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
