We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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