My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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