I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
