Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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