somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
