And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
