Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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