this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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