I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
