Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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