I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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