he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
