put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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