Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
