Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
