I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
