i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
