Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
