What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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