its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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