I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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