i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
