dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
