we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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