I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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