You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
