I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
