no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
