I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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