need another drink. this is the easiest way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
