You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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