i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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