I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
