hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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