please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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