Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
