My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
