Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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