so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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