this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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