I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
