somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
