Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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