the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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