Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love you. Go after that dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
