so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
