Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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