I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Liz is crying about burritos again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
