I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
