I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
