No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
