my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
