is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize