Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
