Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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