I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
