so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
