I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
