I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
