I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
