I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
