You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
