A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
