Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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