On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
