I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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