Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He passed out mid-signature
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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