i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
