you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love you. Go after that dick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
