Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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