i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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