the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
