If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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