who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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