planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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